Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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