i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
