I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
