yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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