Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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