In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
