so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize