I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
