I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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