if i can run in heels then i can drive
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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