She said her name was "party"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You need Xanax blowdarts
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
