What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
