Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
