no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize