if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
