Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
