What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
