I think I died a long time ago.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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