ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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