: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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