Jerry, you need to find god
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize