So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
