My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
