Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
