The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
