She is in my trunk
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
