Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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