Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
