So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
