I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
