a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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