3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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