I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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