I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
