you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
