it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
