So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
