I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
