You can't motorboat a personality
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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