just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
