we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
