wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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