Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
