also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
