I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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