She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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