Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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