remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I still have a little drunk in my system
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize