I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
