You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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