Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
