U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
