If i come over, it means nothing
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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