I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
