Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
