I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
