I must be too annoying 4 u.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
