Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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