1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize