Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
