Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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