i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
