Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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