I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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